my heart breaks everyday & my art continues to grow, this is the struggle of my own reality
my heart breaks everyday, not from the loss of love, but how much love i give to everyone around me & even afar
somehow i end up broken
either not enough
or not what they wanted
or just what they wanted, but they have something under their hearts that they are holding & leave
my art grows everyday
i’m an artist of the 21st century i believe,
i draw for at least 1 hour a day everyday,
i am a photographer as well,
i take images of everything
& when i’m not creating work? i’m at school
i feel as if i am putting in so much effort to receive nothing in return
striving for something that is nothing,
i don’t give a fuck about a piece of paper that says i am a MASTERS OF FINE ART
this is the dilemma i have,
pondering always on the thought if i should be alive or not?
my dad committed suicide.
& i feel like i’m just suffering a beating everyday by it,
the emotions ive felt in my life eat me inside,
the things that have been said,
the way i’ve been treated,
i hate it all
two things keep me alive, my boyfriend, who i love & my art, but how long will that go before one of them breaks me or leaves.
or before i break myself.
i was listening to an old song that had no importance to me, until today.
it’s by atmosphere,
theres a part of it that stuck out to me & how i feel.
little man - atmosphere
“What’s goin’ on?
Not much to say
Just checkin’ in wit’cha trying to see what’s wrong today
I know there’s gotta be something kickin’ your bruises
How’s the love? How’s the music? How’s the self-abusiveness?
Got a lot to lose, it’s breakin’ your shoulders
So you let your paranoia place your bets for you
Too many cigarettes, messin’ up your voice
Too many arguments, tryin’ to test your poise
Sometimes you’re not impressed with the work you’ve done
And love isn’t love if you didn’t hurt someone”